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a Big & Beastly Story
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From: O.Farthing@NYCarchives.gov
To: Karlsson05@utrecht.edu
Date: August 07, 2067, 4:35 PM
Subject: 2025 Central Park Archives
Dear Professor Karlsson:
I am in receipt of your fascinating inquiry about our 2025 archives and thrilled to be able to assist you. I too am a scholar of the Cookie Cutter Killer and related events of 2025. I am personally astonished that there was a time people went inside Central Park, and that it was ever considered safe. Hard to imagine.
I’m enclosing the entirety of our digital archive on the topic. While you may be surprised how few documents from that time remain, be assured this is the complete file. I’ve included a news article from the 25th anniversary in case that can be of help as well.
Academic study of CCK and the “Central Park Beast” is rare. Regardless, I am happy to be able to grant you access to these materials, and I wish you all the best with your book.
Oliver Farthing, MA, MLIS
Associate Curator
Archives of the City of New York
NEW YORK STAR SPECIAL EDITION
BEAUTY & THE BRONX?
Manhattan—A spokesperson for the Parks Department seemed to confirm rumors of a wild animal running loose in Central Park today when she suggested the animal may have crossed a bridge to get there.
“In the past we’ve had deer and coyotes cross the bridge and make it to Central Park via the West Side Highway. If there is an animal, it’s probably visiting from out of town,” joked Christine Cutter, spokesperson for the department.
But this explanation did not satisfy everyone.
“Where’s the Mayor? Why hasn’t he said anything? I want a guarantee that my dog is safe from the Beast,” said Kelly Karber, 52, who lives on West 78th street and owns a Yorkie-Poo named Sandy.
Hizzoner, who is currently campaigning for Governor, could not be reached for comment.
This spring has brought persistent rumors of a “beast” roaming Central Park, leaving strange tracks and piles of waste near the Bridle Path and the Ramble. Users on the web forum Reddit claim to have seen the beast, describing it in various chats as a “huge horse,” “a zombie unicorn,” and a gigantic St Bernard. Others claim to have found dead raccoons and squirrels In the park with visible goring injuries.
Whether the beast is a typical park animal or something more is a question keeping Upper West Siders up at night.
“I’ve never seen footprints like those before,” said Harlem resident Amit Patel. “I’ll be staking out the park until someone tells us the truth.”
Spotted the beast? Send tips to: beastbeat@nystar.com
r/NYCRunners
WyldFlower88: CPB is all of us, trapped in the concrete jungle, trying to make our dreams come true. It’s beautiful.
MarathonMan0001: I’m doing my long run Saturday night just so I can try to catch a glimpse.
XtremeCheeese: is your dream to eat squirrels and dogs?
TourdeFrank: whose eating dogs
XtremeCheeese: CPB-- the BEAST dude, there furry bodies all over the place
YankeeLvrz212: I won’t even go in Central Park anymore. More like central puke. They should close the whole thing.
XtremeCheeese: the beast is bloodthirsty
JoggingMom: demoCRACKS let central park go to hell
XtremeCheeese: just wait. this is not over.
NEW YORK STAR SPECIAL EDITION
PARK PSYCHO
New Yorkers on High Alert After Second Central Park Slaying
Central Park — Uptown residents are going out of their way to avoid Central Park after a second body was found there in as many days.
Police revealed that the body of a 29-year-old woman was found mutilated in the area of the Ramble, with large round holes cut through her midsection. A NYPD spokesperson compared the circular marks to bullfighting injuries or “cookie cutters.”
The victim’s identity has not been released to the public, as police attempt to contact her family.
Saturday, the body of a homeless man was found in the North Woods with apparent trample injuries, according to the Medical Investigator. Police are questioning Central Park carriage drivers for information.
Due to the differing injuries, police do not believe the two deaths are related, but many residents are wondering whether a serial killer is stalking the area. Calls to 311, the City’s nonemergency number, were up two hundred percent this week.
2025 has been a bad year for the famed park. Rumors have circulated of a large animal roaming the Ramble, dubbed the “Central Park Beast” by online communities. The rumors were never confirmed by the City, but many uptown residents have avoided the park for weeks.
Are you avoiding the park? Tips: parkwatch25@nystar.com
iphone message. April 30 at 1:57 am.
David: You still up?
Danny: sort of. wyd?
David: Just finished drinks. place on UES. you would have hated it.
Danny: bro city
David: times a million
Danny: want to come over?
David: ofc
April 30 at 2:39 am.
Danny: where are you
David: no cabs. i’m walking. b there in 10
Danny: walking across the park? are you crazy?
David: what? the best will poke me w his cookie cutters?
Danny: its not funny. there’s literally a serial killer. take the crosstown bus please, dont be an idiot.
…
hello?
David: holy fuck
Danny: what? please david you are scaring me.
David: its bones danny
Danny: are you fucking with me? fuck you
David: un
Danny: get serious or I’m calling 911
david? hello?
david please
…
April 30 at 2:59 am.
Danny: DAVID PLEASE
r/nycbirds
MaitakeMG: Red Tailed hawks at the museum this morning. My first sighting.
XtremeCheeese: the beast is real and it killed david michael warren. open your eyes people.
TheLitiGATOR83: DMW was killed by the cookie cutter killer, its not a beast, its a psycho. NYPD should be out there catching them, not answering crazy theories about a unicorn.
XtremeCheeese: dude his text messages. His last messages to his partner were ITS WHITE. UNICORN. We have the messages dude.
NatalyKnickers: Daniel Cullen is not his partner. Just a bootycall, not reliable source. Also he never said any of that.
XtremeCheeese: david michael warren was killed by a motherfucking unicorn. There is no cookie cutter killer that’s the stupidest shit I ever heard. Made up by the dying NY Star to sell newspapers. Why would the bootycall lie?
CardinalLvrNo1: He clearly was trying to write something that started with “Un.” If you send just the letters “un” iphone autocorrects to “in” and that didn’t happen. But we will never know what “its bones” means. A great mystery for the ages. I saw a cardinal at the Shakespeare Garden this morning. It hopped right over to me. Cheers!
MotherofCrows90: Unicorns are suppose to be magic, not killers. I took a class at the library.
XtremeCheeese: they are magic only if you’re a virgin dumbass.
0101gegalmini0101: no virgins in nyc, lol
NEW YORK STAR SPECIAL EDITION
WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE
Mayor marks 25 years since closure of central park; lays wreath for dead
Manhattan—Twenty-five years ago this month, the City permanently closed Central Park, sealing its storied 843 acres behind an electric fence. Today, the mayor and other dignitaries gathered to memorialize those who died in the park in 2025.
“Central Park was a 19th-Century holdover, a dangerous nuisance unfit for our modern city,” said Mayor Linda Lopez. “Today we honor those whose lives were unfairly lost to this wilderness, and our predecessors who had the wisdom to shut it down.”
In spring 2025, three people were murdered in the park by the so-called Cookie Cutter Killer. The victims’ bodies bore distinctive goring marks that have never been matched to a known weapon.
A fourth victim died of apparent trampling injuries during the same time frame, generally thought to be from a carriage horse.
All four deaths remain unsolved.
At the time, police pointed to online chatter about a cryptid known as the “Central Park Beast” as a major hindrance to solving the crimes. Then-NYPD Commissioner Bill Balboa encouraged the mayor to seal the park for good.
Rumors of the Beast persisted, however, and nine cryptid hunters have disappeared past the fence in the ensuing years. Ongoing litigation over the future of the park, some of the most expensive real estate in the world, has prohibited emergency personnel from crossing the fence, so no bodies have been recovered. No animal matching the Beast’s description has ever been photographed.
From: LibraryLoveOF@gmail.com
To: Karlsson05@utrecht.edu
Date: August 09, 2067, 3:59 AM
Subject: 2025 Central Park Archives
Dear Professor Karlsson:
Attached please find one additional artifact for your research.
This drawing, which has been authenticated to the best of our ability, was found intact on the sidewalk at Central Park West and 102nd Street in June 2030, approximately five years after the park was sealed.
It appeared two days after crypto-zoologist Natalie Oyelowo disappeared in the park without a trace, though she carried both an iphone and a laptop with her.
This item is not part of the official record, and I ask that you not attribute it to me.
Oliver
Absolutely brilliant! I love it! And he drawing at the end? ::Chef's kiss::